BUM BONES

Whenever I lose weight I lose it in two places. Not the stomach, which is the biggest offender and has the most weight to lose and the area I would love to see it leave. It's those "one things" and the bum. I have never really had much of a bum. Some of my kids haven't either. I guess we shouldn't complain, because I'm greatefull I am not a big-bum woman, but at church today, I felt like complaining.

After Sacrament Meeting we go into Sunday School--there are two rooms where the lesson is taught--the Relief Society room, which has padded chairs--and the Priesthood room, which does not. I go into the Priesthood room. I don't know what the group in the Relief Society room is like but the the Priesthood room group is very knowledgable, we have great discussions and I learn a lot. The teachers--we have four of them, rotate so we get them in both rooms.

I am going to have to switch rooms. My bum bones, which are now without any padding, take a beating on the hard chairs. After class I feel like I've been drug behind a car, in the sitting position. In fact, as I sit here, on the padded office chair, my bum bones are hurting. Okay, the chair is old and the padding is not very cushy but still.... Maybe my computer time will be curtailed and you won't hear from me so often.

FAT KNEES, TOO by Lynne

"Some Grannies have thin legs, fat knees, friendly smiles or soft laps.Our Granny has a wobbly bottom...."

I do not have a wobbly bottom but the fat knees? I'm afraid so.

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When Pam said she had fat knees I scoffed. Thou shouldnst not scoff because you will find out you will be visited by the fat-knees fairy. Pam, we should start a support group.

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I went to the temple today and while I was walking to the chapel I heard a noise. A rhythmic noise. An embarrassing noise. So then I walked bow-legged and it quit. I'm so embarrassed. So embarrassed that since no one heard my fat knees sploching together I told the whole world about it here, just in case I could increase my embarrassment by ten fold.

I'm sorry, Pam. I shall not scoff at you anymore in case that fairy-of-all-things-bad might be listening and whack me with her evil magic wand. Again.


PS The illustrator for OUR GRANNY, Julie Vivas, is my favorite watercolor illustrator. I have this book but I won't read it to the grandkids because the last time I did one of them identified me as one of the grannies I didn't want to be.

CHECKING IN--by Lynne

I don't want to have slow weight loss. I want to gallop toward the goal line, not meander. Why is rapid weight loss so bad?

"Because you gain it again," you're saying, aren't you?

You're not the first to tell me. I've heard that one jillion times.

I had a Weight Watcher leader once say she used to make a bargain with the Lord. "I'll do such-and-such if I wake up skinny." She never woke up skinny until the final day after months and months of dieting. She stayed skinny because she wanted to work for Weight Watchers.

Where is this leading? No where. I'm just sayin' I want to be in new numbers every two weeks. Five pounds loss a week isn't unreasonable. What? What is that you're saying?

"You'd have to exercise--A LOT--to have a five pound loss every week."

Who asked you?

Fat Knees

I have fat knees. Truth be known, that's why I joined Weight Watchers. It's just the point where I draw the line.

I've known for awhile that my knees were fat. But the other night for some reason, I just kept thinking about fat knees. You know the old song, "High Hopes" sung by Frank Sinatra? Well, that tune came to me while I was thinking "fat knees, I've got fa-a-at knees" and if I were clever I would be able to come up with a whole new set of lyrics to that song. But I'm not, so I just keep singing that one line over and over.

I never dreamed I would some day have fat knees. (Heck, having grown up with the nickname "Bones" I never dreamed I would some day have fat anything.) I remember not too many years ago, seeing older women who had fat knees and thinking, "Boy am I glad I don't have fat knees!" That'll teach me. Now I have fat knees and I bet younger women look at me and think "Boy am I glad I don't have fat knees!" This is my warning -- don't think it. Maybe thinking it, judging those other dear ladies' knees, is what brought the curse of the fat knees upon me.

Or maybe it was because I ate too much.

HOW I'M CAMPAIGNING FOR A LESS STUFFED CLOSET

Yesterday I bought a darling red sweater-type jacketish thing ($9.00--70% off). It's very cute. Okay, it's still a large but it doesn't have any "X's" before the "L." I'm tired of seeing "X" on my clothes. It also doesn't fit yet. I'm not letting that bother me.

Today I bought a pair of sixe 16 pants ($12.00--70% off but it was as Kohls and they mark their stuff high to begin with so you think you are getting a bargain). Okay, they pants are stretchy. And they don't exactly fit yet. But, I can fasten and zip them, and even buckle the belt, but if I tried to sit down, there might be a problem.

I'm adding them to the small white cardigan I bought some time ago. So, three items of clothing in smaller sizes. If I continue to loose they will be my new wardrobe. Three lone hangers, instead of the millions I have now. I'm campaigning for an empty closet with smaller stuff in a two inch space instead of the 12 items in "grande" size that I have in every two inch space now.

Wish me luck. And more bargains.

I tried on a herringbone jacket--black--that I haven't been able to wear in a while. It too almost fit. But, now I need a new red necklace to go with it. Problems with getting thinner. Three items--four with the herringbone--and no jewelry to wear with it.

Does this sound particularly shallow? I thought so. When it's late at night my river doesn't run deep.

PS I finally lost this week. I'm down fourteen-point-something pounds. My hope for you that if you are not thinner--not everyone wants to loose weight--that you are happier. Giddy with happiness, even.